Scene Three
The Dark Alley/The Flys Headquarters
(Mary Jane enters right humming to herself.)
MARY: Jeepers its kind of dark down here, maybe I should just walk straight home. This was a very stupid idea, Mary Jane, VERY stupid.
(Theres a low chuckle in the darkest corner of the alley. The Fly steps out into the light.)
FLY: Well hello there. From what I understand your name is Mary Jane, am I correct?
MARY: Yes, yes it is. Jeepers, do you live here? I mean, in the dark alley and all. Are you all alone?
FLY: Well yes I live here. No not by myself, I live with my friend Manerva but we all call her Larva. Oh that reminds me, my name is Gilda but you can call me The Fly.
MARY: Do you know the quickest way home? Its getting late and I need to get there quick.
FLY: Suuuuuuuure. Follow me please. Ill have you home in a few minutes.
MARY: (Screams) Oh jeepers where are you taking me? Heeeeeeelp!!!
[Peter Parker enters wearing his Spider Man costume. Hes rapping the song Spidey Got Back.]
Spidey Got Back (to the tune of Baby Got Back)
I like my butt and I cannot lie
You other heroes cant deny
That when I walk in with my itty bitty
Waist and Spandex in your face
You get wooshed
Wanna bit my butt?
Cuz you know this guy got luck
Deep in my suit Im sweatin
I need some love from Mary
Oh baby I can take pictures
And do a switcher
My family tried to scorn me
But this butt I got
Makes you so crazy
Oooh, rump Im bushin
You say you wanna get in my torsel
Well, use meuse me cuz you aint that average school girl
Yeah!
[All of a sudden, the Larva jumps in front of him.]
LARVA: Well, if it aint ol Spider Man!!! What brings you to my alley?
PETER: Oh just on an evening stoll.
[Mary Jane screams and Peter runs to a large garbage can and lifts the lid. He helps Mary Jane out, but as hes putting the lid back on the can the Fly tackles him to the ground.]
FLY: Now Ive got you Spider Man
PETER: Youll never get me you insect!
[The Fly hits him over the head knocking him out and bursting into song]
Oops, I Did it Again (to the tune of Oops, I Did it Again)
I think I did it again
I made you believe were more than just
Oh honey, baby.
Oops you think Im evil
But that doesnt mean Im a jerk.
Cuz to lose all of my plans
Well, thats just so typically me
Oh baby oh!
Oops I did it again
You messed with the Fly
Got lost in my maze
Oh Mary Jane
Oops you think Im a babe
That I can looove
I aint no insect.
You see my problem is this
Im gloatin away
Wishin that studs they truly exist
I fly, watching the days
Cant you see Im no fool (aint no way)
But to lose all of my plans
Well, thats just so typically me
Oh baby oh!
Oops I did it again to your brain
Got lost in this maze
Oh baby
Oops you think I can love
I aint no insect!!!
MARY: You crummy old fly. Why did you do that? He was only trying to help me get home.
FLY: Thats the whole point. You cant be going home, youre supposed to be dead!
LARVA: Can I lick her now master? He, he, he!!! Me getting so hungry!!! Can we keep her? Ive always wanted a puppy to call my very own!!! Ill call you Mucus.
MARY: Eeeewwww!!! Get away from me you slimy overgrown fly spawn! Jeepers! Look the spidey guy is waking up.
PETER: Youll never get me you stupid insect!
[He jumps and knocks over the Larva and has a huge fight with the Fly. The song Tequila is played during this sequence. Finally, he knocks the Fly to the ground.]
FLY: Ok Spider Man youve got me now but this isnt the last of me. Manerva, come here I have to tell you something.
LARVA: [Crossing over to the Fly] Yes?
FLY: I wanted you to know that Im your real mother. It was a one night stand thing but you werent an accident. I love you my little peach dumpling.
[The Fly lays down and then dies.]
LARVA: No!!!! Mommy, mommy Oh well; alls well that ends well huh? Well gotta run. Bye Peter, bye Mary Jane.
[The Larva exits.]
MARY: Did she just call you Peter?
PETER: Yes. And I am Peter. Theres something Ive wanted to ask you all night.
MARY: Yes, Peter?
PETER: Uum, could you get off my foot?
~ THE END ~
