Scene Two

The Parker House

[Peter walks into the house through the front door and sits down at the dining room table. Aunt May is making a cake mix. Uncle Ben enters and sits down opposite of Peter.]

PETER: Aunt May, I dont feel very good.

MAY: Whats the matter, Peter?

PETER: It seems that no matter how hard I try, Mary Jane ignores me. I pay all kinds of attention to her. I practically kiss the ground she walks on. And no matter what I do or what I say, she acts like I dont even exist! What should I do?

MAY: [stops mixing and crosses over to sit at the table to the right of Peter] Well, Peter youre a good kid and a fine young man and I dont see why Mary Jane wouldnt show any interest in you. You know, when we were younger, your Uncle Ben was a lot like you are now. He tried to get my attention and I ignored him and hoped it would make him like me more.

BEN: And I became really frustrated and confused because I loved your aunt very much but she didnt seem to pay the time of day to me. For about a month I decided that it was worthless to love a woman that doesnt love you back so I began to ignore her. I wanted to test her to see if she noticed that I wasnt paying attention to her anymore to see if she liked me too.

MAY: And I got worried because I thought that he didnt like me anymore. I liked him but he had no idea that I did.

BEN: We went for over a month totally ignoring each other.

MAY: We can look back on it now and laugh.

BEN: And it would have been longer too if your aunt wouldnt have come up to me one day and asked me if I liked her. Of course I said yes and she said she liked me too but she didnt say anything because she was afraid that I didnt like her anymore.

PETER: Aunt May, why didnt you just ask him what was going on as soon as you noticed that he wasnt paying attention to you?

MAY: I was too shy, I guess.

BEN: No you werent! I think you were just playing hard to get with me.

MAY: Okay, I guess I was. But there are a lot of women that play hard to get.

BEN: Peter, maybe thats what Mary Jane is doing to you. Maybe shes just playing hard to get. She wants to make you jealous. Women can be tricky like that sometimes.

PETER: That could be it!

BEN: Do you love her?

PETER: What?

BEN: Mary Janedo you love her?

PETER: I never really thought about it that way. I guess I dont really know what love is but Im thinking maybeyeah! I think I love her!

[Aunt May gets up and puts the mixing bowl into the refrigerator.]

BEN: Well, I can tell you two different options that you can take. Either you go to her some time soon and ask her if she likes you or if you truly lover her, boy, wait for her to come around. If she doesnt answer you right away, you need to give her time. Yes it may be hard on you but in the end, it will be worth it if she loves you too.

PETER: Okay, Uncle Ben, I will. Thank you for the advice. I can really use it.

BEN: No problem, Peter.

MAY: Youre a good kid, Peter. And from what youve told us, Mary Jane seems like a fine young lady and you two are good for each other.

PETER: And youre a good person, too, Aunt May.

BEN: Well, Peter, your aunt May and I need to go grocery shopping for a little while. Well be back fairly soon. Okay?

PETER: Yeah, no problem, Uncle Ben.

MAY: Stay out of trouble, young man.

PETER: Yes, Aunt May.

[Aunt May and Uncle Ben leave out the front door leaving Peter by himself. He makes his way into his bedroom.]

PETER: How am I going to get Mary Jane to like me? I dont know what to do. But one things for sure: I want her to be my girlfriend. Now I just have to figure out how Im going to get her to go out with me. This is going to be pretty hard considering the fact that she acts like she doesnt even know I exist. Maybe I should practice with my mirror. [He looks at himself in the mirror.] I see why she doesnt pay any attention to me. Its because Im such a nerd. I look like a complete bookworm! If I change the way I look, maybe then Mary Jane will notice me. Its a long shot, but Im desperate. But how am I supposed to change the way I look? [goes to dresser] All of my clothes make me look like a nerd! And theres no way that Aunt May or Uncle Ben will let me get all new clothes just so I can impress Mary Jane. Theyll tell me that she should accept me for who I am. But who I am isnt good enough otherwise she would have noticed me a long time ago. [to mirror] Right? Look at me! Here I am talking to myself in the mirror! I am a nerd. Okay, Peter, face the facts: youve always been a nerd and youll always be a nerd. The only way you can change that is if you want to change. Do you want to change? Of course you do! [sits on bed] I am a nerd! Here I am in my bedroom talking out loud to myself! [stretches out on bed] What should I do? [lays, pondering] Ah ha! Thats it! Why didnt I think of that before? Its just so simple! Ill just get up the courage to talk to Mary Jane tomorrow. Ill just go up to her after class and ask her if shed like to go out with me. See, so simple. Well, simple if I dont chicken out and end up getting too afraid to ask her. That would be embarrassing. Okay, heres what Ill do. Ill just practice in front of the mirror. That should be easy enough. If I can do it in front of my mirror, Ill make my way up and (hopefully by tomorrow) Ill be able to ask Mary Jane myself. [takes a few deep breaths] Okay, here goes. Hi Mary Jane. UumI wanted to ask youuumnoI meanuumcould youerI meannouumwould youuumI wanted to know if youuumnoMary Jane I wanted to tell you thatI love you! [He flings his arms forward and suddenly webbing sprays out from the heels of his hands and gets all over his mirror.] Whoa! Whatwas that? [looks at his hands] What just happened? What just came flying out of my hands? [obviously extremely confused] It almost looks like the stuff that spiders use to make their webs. But why in the world would that come flying out of my hands? [thinks] Oh no! Maybe the spider that bit me when Mary Jane bumped the spider cage and made it fall over had a genetic mutation and when it bit me it somehow gave me special powerslike Superman. How cool! I have super powers. I wonder what else I can do. [He shoots webbing all over his room and makes a big mess but is having fun and laughing the entire time.] This is so much fun! [looks around at his mess] Oh no! Aunt May is going to kill me if she sees that I made this mess in my room! Theyre going to be back pretty soon so I better clean this up quick! [laughs] This is so cool! I wonder if I should tell Aunt May and Uncle Ben about my super powers? I better not. In all the comic books Ive ever read, the super hero maintains his secret identity. But should I tell Mary Jane? If I told her, I bet she wouldnt believe me. If I showed her my super powers she might believe me but then my identity wouldnt be secret anymore. Great, the one way that I might actually have a chance to impress Mary Jane and get her to notice me and I have to keep it secret! This just goes to show what kind of luck I have! I better get this mess cleaned up and fast! [He starts cleaning up his room and continues to clean throughout the following.] How cool! Super hero powers! But I wonder what I should call myself. Supermans already taken, but whats something that is similar to Superman that I could use for my name? [thinks] Well, since I probably got my super hero powers from that spider that bit mehmmmSpider Hero!noSpider Stud!....no, too cheesyhow about Spider-Man? Thats it! Ill be Spider-Man! Awesome! This is so cool!

[starts singing Web Slinger]

Web Slinger (to the tune of Hash Pipe)

I cant hide my powers Ill go out of my mind

So Ill make a Spider suit to show off my behind.

I wont wear the suit if its dry clean only

And hiding behind a mask could get lonely.

(Chorus)

Oh, Im going to kick you.

Oh, Im going to kick you.

Come on, Im going to kick you.

Youve got your evil,

Ive got my Spidey suit.

Youve got your badness

Ive got my web slinger.

I cant hide the tingles they have a mind of their own.

My Spider Sense is tingling, so Im not alone.

This isnt a muscle suit; Im the real thing.

And Spider-Man, you know, has a nice ring.

(Chorus)